brass on brass, finger off the trigger, point down range and squeeze..
Florida coupon booklets
Its like naming a high end resort the ‘Gaylord Palms’. No seriously.
Gaylord Palms resort Orlando
So now you understand when I read ‘gaylord palms’ on the sat nav I had to turn around and get a photo.
The last time I was here I didn’t stay on International Drive either, in fact I didn’t even know where it was. We drove everywhere and were surprised that people went to Florida and didnt hire a car. I was almost killed one night going to the shop next door to the hotel, stupidly I assumed you could walk the 20 years from door to door but no, there was a wire fence, drainage ditch, all sorts of wee biting things and then when I decided to try to walk along the footpath found there wasn’t one and I was walking on an unlit divided highway (dual carriageway to you and me). The next night instead of walking seconds to get a couple of bottles of water I had to get in the car, drive to the main road, turn left, go to the next intersection, do a u turn, drive for another 5 mins to the next intersection, do a u turn and then drive to the shop.
International drive was different, loads of footpaths and here I met my first lobster coloured Irish and Scottish tourists. They obviously had come in on the same plane as my friends and and mild pink to deep crimson was this years trend in skin colour. Of course last time I was here I was here a week before being persuaded that we could stay ‘just one more hour’ in the midday sun at a water park. Lying on your belly with the air conditioning on full trying to eat a taco bell from the side of your mouth isn’t a good look.
International Drive Orlando
Orlando Premium Outlets International Drive
One of the other great satans is walmart and to be fair I do like them when travelling, its a one stop shop for absolutely everything you would need for a trip in florida, water, food, bathrooms, showers, opticians, chemists, doctors, tyres, guns….
That is of course until your friends ring you and ask if you have seen any sugar free childrens cereal on your travels. I happened to be in Walmart at the time and surely with 3 aisles of breakfast cereals there must be some without sugar, salt or chocolate… ..errr no. I did go and ask and the reply was they got that question a lot from tourists… really?
I was pointed in the direction of the couple of shelves in the health food aisle. Any wonder some of the kids here are the size of houses. From an early age they are fed nothing but sugar and chocolate cereals! The scary thing was going down a complete aisle of waters…
…yes waters.. …now I thought there was just two types of water, still and sparkling and of course the expensive variants which have come through rocks for 600 years high in an alpine pass..
..but no, theres water with added vitamins, added calcium, and super water whateverthefuckthatis.
Can I just have a couple of gallons of H2O please?
Walmart Super Centre
smith and wesson 9mm handgun at the range
You hand over your passport, fill in some details, hand over the cash deposit and then take your pick from all the goodies on the wall…
I spent about an hour here and just over 100 bucks, mainly firing 9mm ammunition from a handgun an AR-15 semi automatic and a cool looking beretta cx4 storm semi automatic rifle. I started off jumping at the sound of the guy firing some sort of cannon in the next range (not really a cannon just a big handgun) and as I reloaded the handgun after firing the first clip my hands were shaking with the adrenaline rush. It was easy to get sucked in to the bang bang bang, the noise, the fun of it all but constantly there was the thought that I could just kill everyone around me very quickly indeed. Of course there was then the fear that they could all do it as well and probably quicker and easier than me!
ar-15 semi automatic rifle at the range
I got an in depth safety briefing at the start of the range time and I was surprised when they set the target only 15 feet away. Apparently most ‘gun battles’ in Florida are at this distance. Obviously never been in Belfast then. Id expected to put the targets down range and maybe get a reasonable grouping. I set it about 15 yards away and whilst it was still swinging put a bullet straight in the centre of the target chest. My instructor looked surprised and got a bit suspicious as I said Id never fired a handgun before but had fired rifles.
I couldn’t understand why he was surprised, you just point squeeze, fire. Its then I realised that the reason why most fatal shooting are at such a short distance is that people cant really shoot and just run towards each other until you can almost touch the person, or just walk up and shoot them. I know this should have really made me feel better about my chances of survival but it does ask a hell of a lot of questions.
After about an hour Id had enough, and I do mean Id had enough, the novelty had worn off and Id got my wee fix firing at targets. Id do it again though and would recommend it to anyone. I’d certainly take my nephews but they would get a good talking to before and after about the dangers of the weapons and how to always treat them cautiously and with respect.
Gun range in Florida
…well you will just have to read it to find out what Im on about.
beretta cx4 storm at the range
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